Hi I’m Zack and I’m name-aholic. I have a tendency to come up with ridiculous nicknames for my kids and loved ones. It started with my oldest son Michael. No I didn’t call him Mike or Mikey, those would have made too much sense. Instead I started with monkey. Cute enough right? I soon moved on to occasionally calling him Mikhail because…Russia. Next came Jacob. He was my little piggy. Then he became Jacobim, Jake-a-boobie, and so on. I just can’t help myself. I love silly wordplay, always have. It’s a safe bet that up to 75% of the time when I adress one of my children it will not be by their proper name.
I think I finally realized I had a problem when I came up with Jake-a-boo Jiggens and Mike-a-boo Miggens. I didn’t hit rock bottom however until I referred to Jacob as The Bumptastic Thumpkin. It’s not just the kids as my wife Heatherbear Mocha Choca Baby Love can attest to. I really need help.
My latest victim is my son Grayson. I call him Grayby, Bubbie, Bubs, Bubsy, Honey, Pignut, Grumpig, and Pigmoose.
This kid is never going to know his real name.
I think part of my problem stems from never having been given a cool nickname as a kid. I got Zack from Zachary and that was it. So I’m probably just trying to make sure that my kids don’t grow up deprived of nicknames like I was. Or I’m just mentally ill. Let’s go with that.