Hi I’m Zack and I’m name-aholic. I have a tendency to come up with ridiculous nicknames for my kids and loved ones. It started with my oldest son Michael. No I didn’t call him Mike or Mikey, those would have made too much sense. Instead I started with monkey. Cute enough right? I soon moved on to occasionally calling him Mikhail because…Russia. Next came Jacob. He was my little piggy. Then he became Jacobim, Jake-a-boobie, and so on. I just can’t help myself. I love silly wordplay,  always have. It’s a safe bet that up to 75% of the time when I adress one of my children it will not be by their proper name.

I think I finally realized I had a problem when I came up with Jake-a-boo Jiggens and Mike-a-boo Miggens. I didn’t hit rock bottom however until I referred to Jacob as The Bumptastic Thumpkin. It’s not just the kids as my wife Heatherbear Mocha Choca Baby Love can attest to. I really need help.

My latest victim is my son Grayson. I call him Grayby, Bubbie, Bubs, Bubsy, Honey, Pignut, Grumpig, and Pigmoose.
This kid is never going to know his real name.

I think part of my problem stems from never having been given a cool nickname as a kid. I got Zack from Zachary and that was it. So I’m probably just trying to make sure that my kids don’t grow up deprived of nicknames like I was. Or I’m just mentally ill. Let’s go with that.

To say nothing of the fact that poor Grayson was named after the Boy Wonder so he already has the deck stacked against him in the nickname dept.

To say nothing of the fact that Grayson was named after the Boy Wonder so the cards are already stacked against him in the nickname dept.

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